Jokes, Puns, Funny Stuff
One Bowersism is that I do these what I call “attempts at humor”. In other words, I would tell corny puns and dumb jokes to lighten things up…and to make people laugh, something I enjoy. I think I’ve always wanted to try stand up comedy but never had the guts to do it. Then I was thinking, teaching three 90 minute classes a day is almost like doing three sets on the stand up stage…teaching is a lot like doing stand up, except the audience is all teenagers and they haven’t been drinking alcohol. Here’s a few I’ve used plus some posters. Enjoy!
*I didn’t know where my boomerang went…and then it hit me.
*What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back…a stick.
*I went to the boomerang store the other day…they have a great return policy
*The hardest part about buying a new boomerang is throwing the old one away.
The King of Goofball Island at a WBFH event.
*People don’t know this about me but I was born with two kidneys. It hasn’t really affected my life too much.
*I’m reading a book about anti-gravity…I can’t put it down!
*I remember the last thing my Grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket. He said “Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket”
*Studies have shown that people who have a lot of birthdays tend to live longer.
*Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
*I was addicted to the hokey pokey but thankfully I turned my self around.
*I was addicted to soap…But I’m clean now.
*I was addicted to brake fluid…but I can stop at any time.
*Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
*I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.
*How do you find a naked guy with ED in a dark room? It’s not hard.
*I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
*My grandfather was one of 13 children in his family. He didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until he got married.
Good tip…remove cap before drinking!
*A guy asked his blonde friend, “What are the names of your dogs?” She responded that one was named Rolex and the other Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like than?” “Helloooooo,” answered the blonde “They’re watch dogs.”
*Duck walks into a bar, orders a drink, tells the bartender to put it on his bill
*Duck walks into a bar wearing only one boot. Bartender says “lose a boot?”, duck says “No, found one”.
*What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars…except the duck.
*Skunk walks into a bar and says hey, where did everyone go?
*Guy walks into a bar, says I slept with my wife before we were married, did you? Bartender says “I don’t know, what was her maiden name?”
*What’s the cheapest type of meat? Deer balls, they’re under a buck.
*A San Diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $500 in a safety competition. “What are you going to do with the money?” the officer asked. “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license,” the man answered. “Don’t listen to him,” said the woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” This woke up the guy in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.” Then there was a knock from the trunk and a voice in Spanish, “Are we over the border yet?”
*My wife’s female intuition is so highly developed, she knows I’m wrong before I’ve even opened my mouth.
*I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink. At my age, I get the same effects by standing up too fast.
Caricature drawn for my 40th birthday party.
*Human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow their children to come back home.
*Teacher writes on chalkboard: “I ain’t had no fun all summer”. What should I do to correct this? Student: Get a boyfriend!
*Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?” Student: “Not very much”.
*
As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
Two huge racks in one photo…yellow card!
Two decent sized jugs in this photo…second yellow card…red card!
*A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door, she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”
*My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
*Diarrhea runs in my family.
*She’s not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.
*She is the cheese to my macaroni.
*I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
*Two antennas got married. The wedding was OK but the reception was great!
*How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little buggie in it!
Photo of my Pride and Joy.
So what's the story with the t-shirt? I was walking down the hall at the high school when I worked there years ago and I passed a student wearing this t-shirt. It got my attention immediately! So I stopped the young man and told him that was my name on the shirt. I asked him where he got the shirt. He said "resale store". I said I would love to have a shirt like that for obvious reasons. He said if I give him more money than he paid for it, he would sell it to me. Deal! As Paul Harvey would say, "and now you know...the rest of the story!
I don’t really know the governor but I do appreciate her concern for me!
Lady Astor: “If I was your wife, sir, I would poison your coffee”. Winston Churchill: “If I was your husband, I would drink it!”
My fake ID…taken from the movie Vegas Vacation when Rusty Griswold needs a fake ID to get into casinos and gamble.
